If I asked “Who are you,” would you identify with pain? If so, do you defend that identity? (Hint: You have options.)
Holiday periods (that counts for summer, too) bring out the Eeyores and Debbie Downers in droves. In many cases, they haven’t a clue of it. At their most impressionable, no one ever modeled any other way for them to be.
Does your mask hurt?
During my first draft of this article, my wife of a zillion years sent me one of her now-famous-to-me requests that I join her in curating a list of music.
Oh, my. Another one?
I always have a spike of resistance, followed by the realization that I’ll end up being, to use C.S. Lewis’ phrase, surprised by joy in the midst of the process.
It was — or rather is, as we are still independently working on the assignment — her assertion that during the two year period of 1988–1989, the post-punk and new wave eras of rock music had reached their zenith. This was the culmination period of innovative rock that, starting in 1990, would signal the rise of the homogenized popular music scene that exists at the time of this writing.
She’s dubbed it the Tiny Big Epoch.
It took a bit of back n’ forthing for me to distill that as a goal, and once it was admitted, she said, “It’s like what Sly said; “I just want to celebrate.””
The timing was perfect. I needed a diversion.
“Life sucks. Come join me.”
The previous draft of this article had become a circuitous, mired, over-intellectualized mass of reasoning that was proving Einstein’s point about not being able to explain something simply.
I had gotten lost in a wilderness, trying to help the seemingly unreachable. Let me explain.
There are a few online astrology forums where I periodically attempt to do a little free consulting. It’s a good way to do research, as well as keep my skills sharp.
But recently, I’ve been encountering numerous people who, to put it simply, are so mired in their self-constructed personas of victimization, that I find myself stymied.
Despite my gentlest efforts, I can’t break through their perceptions. In fact, I’ve noticed that they invariably take up arms against anyone who does. There’s a palpable “bite the hand that feeds them” kind of vibe emanating from them.
“You’ve come into an astrology forum. I’m an experienced astrologer. You have virtually memorized every planetary placement in your chart down to the degree and minute; you can quote to me planetary ingresses from key points in your past — yet you won’t respond to any conversation that attempts to reveal actions you can take that may very well lead towards a different flavor of life!”
Black Friday
When you self-identify with lack, pain, sadness, loneliness, and other energy drains, what could be less healthy for you than an entire culture built upon cheery, Disneyfied, equally-artifical personas and events?
Yesterday just happened to be the day after so-called Black Friday. (I think it’s called that because it squashes the practice of gratitude under it’s dirty, dark, profiteering boots.) Accompanying a friend, we were shopping for something that demanded that we venture into a large mall.
I was standing near the edge of a balcony while my friend searched for her specific treasure in a store nearby. I took in a long, panning gaze of the nefarious food court, below. In addition to the endless stream of sugar, salt, and hydrolyzed animal protein packaged in bright colors, there was the bickering of children crying for the items their parents hadn’t bought them, massive monitors showing equally massive young men in helmets and shoulder pads pummeling each other while promotional messages swirled behind and under them, the now 3-weeks old Christmas decorations everywhere, and the various storefronts hawking items ranging from Chinese-made lingerie to Chinese-made electronics.
Joy to the world courtesy of the land of the free.
Reams and books and Hallmark specials have been written about commercialization. I don’t want this article to be known for that. What needs to be clear, however, is that the Eeyores and Debbie Downers mentioned in the headline of this article are in such clear distinction precisely because they stand out from the artificially happy backdrop of the consumer season. They have chosen — consciously or unconsciously — to reinforce a false representation on themselves by clinging to events that didn’t fit with their mental construct of happiness. Now, they are coming face to face with another construct; a shiny, tinsel one that everyone admits is a red herring but — the blind continue to lead the blind.
When my friend returned empty-handed, I whispered, “So this is the place in the video game where all the characters come to provision their characters, huh?”
At least in a video game, what you’re doing is obvious.
Self-hatred is surprisingly easy to maintain
“I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.”
James Baldwin The Fire Next Time
My observation, not only as an astrologer, but also as a copywriter and creative director in the ad industry, is that hatred is something that a person who believes they are otherwise powerless can do. It’s a way of taking action. And self-driven action, any action, is a kind of control mechanism. No one wants to feel out of control and “acted upon” by wayward external forces.
This is why the depressed go shopping.
In advertising, creative designers, writers, videographers, and strategists know that messages can be crafted to take advantage of a consumer’s deep internal dislikes; especially dislikes that research shows a consumer has about themselves. Jealousy towards something outward, something other than what the consumer currently experiences is often cultivated carefully over time, and then an audience is given various “actions” they can take to turn their jealousy into pleasure, usually through a purchase.
If your life’s point of view tells you (falsely) that you are separate from the world, fear and defensiveness can develop. In order to protect your self from a real or imagined threat, you take up the practice of hate.
What’s the alternative?
The alternative is more challenging than self-hatred, but can ultimately result in peace and extended joy, if practiced consistently:
Understand why you’re feeling this separateness in the first place. Why do you feel different from others? Where and how did you learn that sensation? And why do you choose to feed it, rather than visualize what your life would be like if you were on a level playing field? If you were to act like the person you say you wish you were, how exactly would you act? How would you dress? What time would you wake up? Visualize that. Write it down.
A detailed look at the moment by moment life you could be living — is not easy, and in fact causes a lot of discomfort.
Instead of looking inside, we look outside, and continue to hem ourselves in, isolating ourselves, furthering loneliness and depression.
Indeed, we “dress for success,” by layering on sackcloth and ashes.
Edie teaches us life lessons
So. Back to the Tiny Big Epoch.
While reviewing a comprehensive list of album releases for 1988, I was pleased to rediscover Shooting Rubberbands at the Stars, by Edie Brickell and New Bohemians. What I Am was the hit single from that album, and it was slightly ahead of its time. In fact a few of the YouTube comments for the official video mention that they were surprised that it wasn’t a ‘90s release. In fact, the Mrs. exclaimed the same.
I immediately put What I Am on my spreadsheet under the 1988 heading, as being one of the songs I’ll bring to the discussion for which tracks are the luminaries of the Tiny Big Epoch.
Being so familiar with the song, I didn’t watch the video again or listen to the tune on Spotify or find in it my iTunes stacks.
But I did listen to the latest release from Edie and her original lineup; What Makes You Happy, just released this year (2018.)
We have a dream Everything will come together Wait, wait, wait, wait I can't wait anymore Say what it is What you want to feel better Find, find, find, find What it is will you find What makes you happy
Edie’s smile in the video is so captivating. She’s having fun, and so is her band. So, I went back and watched, What I Am, back when she was 22. (Sobering fact: I was 23.)
Afterward, it hit me hard, while I was feeding my cat (and who was purring her warm gratitude my way) that Edie has presented me — and my sad and angry astrology friends — with everything they need to know about life.
First, the answer to “Who are you” has nothing to do with content. It’s not like asking “What is a car made of,” to which you answer, “steel, aluminum, plastic,” and so forth. It has nothing to do with time and history, because You are not your experiences.
The answer to “Who are you” is about possession and intent, not about facts.
The answer, whether its the Jesus version or the Edie version is the same; a confident “I am.”
Next up, “What makes you happy?”
The same rules apply. It’s all about making a decision and owning it. But you can’t answer this one unless you can say “I am” with complete ownership and confidence.
Then, just as your anger and self-hatred seeks release in action, your confidence and self-ownership can respond in action.
Any action.
Because what you do from the confidence of your honest, peace-filled self-awareness is always right, always good, and always fulfilling.
How Astrology Can Help
When you’ve spent so much time in the Mall of Culture, you can easily get overwhelmed with the costumes and the possessions, confusing all the roles you play and the gear you accumulate with Who You Are.
Astrology is super-helpful in taking you back to the raw blueprint. Here, in graphic form, is the map of your soul. The map isn’t you any more than a ticket is your destination when you get on a plane, train, or bus. A sheet of music isnt’ the sound of the tune. But these forms can help orient your action, once you start to take action from a peace-filled place.
That last part is really important, by the way.
As I mentioned previously, most of the forum visitors who are the most negative can tell me where every planet is in their chart, and where it is going to transit at various points in the future. But that information isn’t getting them positive results. Why? Because their self-image isn’t reflective of the reality of who they are.
So.
You what you are?
Or what?
Summary
If you know who you are, then you can state what you want. But you can't have what you want unless you know who you are.
If you don't know who you are, you are constrained to trying pretty much anything and everything on for size. Trouble is, nothing will ever fit.
When you feel lost and aimless, without self awareness, you feel isolated. The whole universe is out to get you. A self-defensive posture of anger is one possible result of this point of view.
It's easier to angrily defend your lost self than to do the harder work of introspection. But the payoff of the hard work is pretty darned glorious.
If you don't know where to go to start stripping away the unnecessary layers, consider a natal reading with me. We can bring you back to your original blueprint.